Why "Pride?"

I've heard and read some folks in the past few days wondering "what all this Pride business is about."

June is LGBTQ+ Pride Month around the world.  Many communities, large and small, have celebrations during this month to recognize the contributions that LGBTQ+ persons make and have made over time, and to recall the struggle for acceptance that so many people have endured--both gay persons and those who are straight "allies"-- to ensure that all are treated with dignity and respect.

One such example of struggle was the Stonewall Inn Uprising in New York City's Greenwich Village in the summer of 1969.  Lesbian, gay, and transgender bar patrons, long targeted by the city's police department, finally had enough, and fought back against their oppressors.  This specific incident, which actually played out over several nights that hot summer, is considered a seminal moment in the ongoing fight for LGBTQ+ equality.

There are many who are uncomfortable with all of the ways in which LGBTQ+ Pride is celebrated.  "Why all the fuss?" they ask.  "Why can't they keep all of that to themselves?" many wonder.  Others are more pointed in their criticism, questioning whether or not LGBTQ+ persons even have the right to move freely and fearlessly in public space.  And still others are so threatened or hate-filled when it comes to gay, Lesbian, and gender nonconforming persons that they commit brutal acts of violence against them.

I think it's helpful to contextualize the present with reminders of the path that brought us here.  There are many examples from the not-to-distant past (and present) when other marginalized and oppressed groups have been criticized for asserting their right to dignity and respect.  Labels like "uppity" and "militant" have been applied.  Those who occupy the comfortable seats in society lament, "Why can't we all just get along?" rather than lean in willingly for a close look into the seething pit of toxic racism, xenophobia, sexism, and--yes--homophobia.

So why "Pride?"  One antonym for pride is shame.  Shame is what many LGBTQ+ people have felt all their lives, and continue to feel.  Perhaps they have been told they should be ashamed of who they are by their parents, family, and friends.  Perhaps the messages they hear repeatedly from their religious communities condemning them for their orientation or gender identity have overwhelmed them with shame.  Maybe it's the constant bullying and harassment that one endures for years that begins to sink in and fill one's heart with shame.

Shame makes you keep secrets, live lies, and make bad health choices.  Shame steals your joy.  Shame is contagious--like a virus, it's easily spread.  Shame poisons relationships, particularly with those you love the most.   This I know.

Sadly, for too many, shame kills.  LGBTQ+ teenagers attempt suicide at five times the rate of straight adolescents.  Is it because they are tormented by their orientation or gender, or tormented by the shame they are made to feel about their orientation or gender?

So for the month of June, LGBTQ+ people counter shame with its antonym--pride.  The celebrations are reminders that all are worthy of the right to exist freely and fearlessly in public space.  Every person is entitled to dignity and respect. 

We show dignity and respect--and create shame--through the words we use.  When a Catholic bishop tweets that Pride celebrations should be considered "harmful," especially for children, the implication that sexual orientation and pedophilia are synonymous is more than ironic…it's shaming and it's shameful. 

When Texas lawmakers refuse, legislative session after legislative session, to decriminalize same-gender relationships, it's shaming and it's shameful.

When an elected official dismissively refers to a group of citizens (including constituents, presumably) as "the LGBT or 'whatever' community," the comments are understandably received as disrespectful.

And, at the same time, when the reaction to those comments rises no higher than mocking the official's haircut rather than persuasively condemning the ideas with both conviction and civility, the greater purpose of lifting up the LGBTQ+ community is not served.

Dignity and respect should travel in all directions.  Let's continue to lift one another up, calling out hate when it is shown and using love, dignity, and respect as the tools for teaching new ways of thinking and living in community. 

Happy Pride 2019!


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